


Misunderstandings

by Jiiri



Category: Stand Still Stay Silent
Genre: Gay Male Character, Injury, Language Barrier, M/M, Misunderstandings, Self-Discovery, Use Your Words
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-10-26 19:34:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20747582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jiiri/pseuds/Jiiri
Summary: Lalli and Emil have trouble understanding each other, and apparently it's more than just the language barrier. Emil tries to work it out, Lalli is very worried. Also troll injuries.





	Misunderstandings

**Author's Note:**

> The scenes take place over a period of time at some unspecified points during Adventure 1.
> 
> (FIN)"bla bla" indicates Emil speaking in Finnish, (SWE)"bla bla" Lalli speaking Swedish. When no language is indicated the person is speaking in their own language. 'bla bla' indicates Emil thinking to himself.
> 
> Please let me know if I should add annotation showing who is speaking.
> 
> Edited in April 2020 to include the illustration by Kyara, no changes in the story.

Lalli came in early in the morning. Emil was still in his bunk, but he sneaked a glance at the scout. The scrawny Finn looked terrible. He was practically blue in the face due to cold or fatigue, or most likely both. Lalli was crawling into his bedroll under Emil’s bunk, when he let out a shivering sight. Emil sat up and tapped the bedside next to him. The scout hesitated, but for a precious moment he curled down on the bed next to Emil. The Sweded covered him in his blanket and rubbed his back to drive some warmth to him. Lalli snug close and let out a sigh that sounded a little happier. Emil looked at him and smiled but was startled to see Lalli looking pained. “Are you hurt?!” (FIN) “You… hurt?”  
“NO!” Lalli jumped up and into his under-bunk den in one fluid motion. He turned his back to Emil and dug into his blankets. Emil could tell by his breathing that he stayed awake, staring at the wall. 

* * *

Emil brought Lalli’s dinner to him.  
“I’m sorry, it’s this… goo again”  
(SWE) “Thank you”. Was that a… smile?!? Emil felt all warm inside, and it had nothing to do with the food – which was nothing short of disgusting anyway.  
“Never mind pal, you are always welcome!”  
(SWE) “Thank you”.  
OK, Lalli was on a seriously good mood today. Emil sat next to him to bask in the moment. Even a little closer than usually. Lalli didn’t jump. Oh gods, he’s so sweet … when he’s like this, Emil thought.

* * *

Emil stumbled and fell flat on his face. Within seconds, Lalli was at his side, helping him turn and get up.  
“Whoa, thanks. I’m ok.”  
The scout's look was a mixture of concern and anger.  
(SWE) “You… you make me sick.” Emil froze.  
The cleanser exploded: “Well, never mind then! Get the hell off me, I can get up myself!” Lalli jumped up and ran away. He probably didn’t understand any of it, but Emil’s tone was clear. 

After making sure Lalli was really going, Emil allowed himself a couple of tears. This was useless. ‘Why does he sit next to me, and never anybody else? Why does he fall asleep on me? Why does he let me close if he feels… that?’

* * *

After a couple of days of keeping his distance, Emil relented. Lalli was just as lost and as great, as vulnerable and capable as he’d always been. Emil noticed Lalli ate less when he wasn’t taking care of his meals. ‘Well, he’s our only scout and we absolutely need him. Might as well make sure he stays alive.’ Lalli accepted the bowl as if nothing was wrong. He even looked expectantly at Emil, until the cleanser sat down near Lalli. ‘So, here we are again. This is driving me crazy!’

* * *

Lalli was wounded. He’d escaped a small nest, but one of the trolls had gotten a nasty bite at his shin. He was deathly pale and drowsy, and Emil was sick with worry. Mikkel dressed the wound and lay Lalli down on Emil’s bed without even asking. Of course he did.  
“Emil, I fear the small one is slipping into a shock. We have to make absolutely sure he stays warm. It’s my recommendation as your medic that you stay with him under the blankets to give him your body heat. Can you do that?”  
“O… of course I can. I will stay with him until he’s better.”  
“Good. Later we’ll see if you can get some soup into him, but now he needs to rest in safety and warmth.”  
Lalli’s breathing was quick and pained, but at least it was regular.The Swede covered them in both their blankets and pressed against the other boy's side. Silently he stroked the scout’s hair and hummed under his breath, until he felt Lalli relax into sleep. After a while Emil slept too.

* * *

Lalli was on the mend. He’d been eating some cookies and even a bit of the soup, and his face had taken on its usual paleness instead of the terrible pallor of the past few days. He was still in Emil’s bed, but the cleanser was going out with Sigrun while they waited for the scout to recover enough for them to carry on. The skinny Finn appeared to be asleep all the time, but every now and then Emil spied Lalli following him with his gaze. At night when Emil came to the bunk, Lalli made room for him with no complaint.  
“Are you feeling better? (FIN) You? Good?”  
“Ahh.. yes. No. Yes. Sleep.” Lalli pushed Emil’s head to the pillow. 

After a while Emil heard Lalli mumbling silently. “Tyhmä, tyhmä, tyhmä…” Emil knew this one. It meant stupid, stupid, stupid, and it was something Lalli said when he had made even a smallest mistake.  
(FIN) “what… what you?” Lalli shut up immediately and hissed at Emil. He looked alarmed and a bit… guilty?  
(SWE) “No. No… sleep”.  
“Lalli, tell me!”  
“No. Sleep. Mrrrh.” So much for their shared communication then.

* * *

The corridor suddenly opened to a crossing of several hallways and the scout had vanished. Emil and Sigrun looked at each other.  
“Did you see which way he went?”  
“No, did you? You are always watching him anyways!”  
“I am not! And no, I didn’t see! What do we do now?”  
“Look here, the pipsqueak has scratched one of his markings on this door. Can you make it out? It almost looks like…” 

The door collapsed on Sigrun and a withering mass of diseased flesh and spindly appendages pushed through. That, and most importantly, lots of sharp teeth. The thing appeared to have several mouths. Emil threw one of his grenades into the nearest one and let loose a little flame while trying to avoid burning the captain. Sigrun had cleared the door and was cutting into the thing’s underside, but got hit by one of the feet. The cleanser scorched a couple of more heads. One of the heads had a long sinuous neck and it came to him from his left flank. It bit into the soft part of his side before Lalli, who appeared from somewhere, severed it with his puukko. Emil fell down squirming with the head still gripping into him, and Lalli grabbed the flamethrower. The grenade combined with the captain's effort had however done its duty, and the giant was going down with a flood of unidentifiable innards and black blood gushing from its now open belly. 

“OK who’s hurt?” Sigrun’s voice was authoritative but weak. Emil asked  
(FIN) “Lalli… you… hurt?”  
(SWE) “I ok. I help.”  
Sigrun was concussed and had a nasty scratch from the leg, but able to walk. Emil was more badly hurt on his side. They almost carried him back to the camp. Lalli was furiously scratching the tank door the second they arrived.  
(SWE) “Mikkel! Mikkel! Help! Help Emil!” The big medic opened the door.  
“Oh, this again. Why do you have to be so foolhardy?”  
“We weren’t even doing anything risky! We were following the scout! Then we lost him and were trying to make out his markings when…”  
“So, you weren’t following the scout” Mikkel cut into his captain's explanation. “Well, at least you are all still alive. Let’s try to keep it that way, shall we? And the non-immune will stay in the tank!”. 

* * *

Emil could barely make out what Mikkel was saying. Something was or maybe wasn’t punctured. He was feeling really, REALLY bad. Soon he had high fever and was passing in and out again. He could hazily feel someone at his bedside all the time. Sometimes it was Reynir, but mostly it was Lalli, always looking stricken. 

Emil woke feeling slightly more like himself. He found himself in his bed and in Lalli’s arms. Lalli didn’t move, he was probably asleep. No, he was muttering some of his mage nonsense again. Emil felt a tingling warmth flowing into him from Lalli, or more precisely from Lalli’s palms and his forehead, which was pressed against Emil’s shoulder blades. The sensation was a little weird, but not unpleasant at the least. He fell back asleep.

The next time Emil came to, Lalli was sitting next to him, cuddling a hand in his and stroking his hair. When Emil opened his eyes, Lalli jumped up, wearing a mixture of expressions. Relief, guilt, happiness, sadness and… anger?  
“Mrrrrhh” the Finn growled at Emil, flashed him a quick smile, and run off. ‘I’ll be damned, if I ever understand him’. Emil slept again.

* * *

Emil was feeling a lot better. He could sit up, propped in the bed with pillows covered in Reynir’s runes. His side was still bandaged, but Mikkel changed the bandages every other day now and they didn’t look too bad. According to Mikkel he was out of the woods, this time. Every now and then Lalli came to sit with him, thoughtful and even more silent than usual, but he was also scouting again now that he could leave Emil’s bedside. He did however spend the nights in the tank and in their bunk.

One night, Emil woke to a strange sensation. His instinct told him to keep still, and soon he realized that Lalli was sobbing into his back. Emil waited for him to react, but when there was no change, he softly asked 

“Lalli, what is it?” The scout jumped, and Emil could hear him putting on his boots in the darkness and storm out of the door. 

* * *

Emil’s side started to hurt again, and the area of the wound took on a nasty red colour. Mikkel went back to changing the dressings daily, and there were a lot more runes. Everyone was very hushed. After a couple of days of this, the Swede started to feel light-headed and soon he found himself unable to stay awake. Lalli was back at his bedside, wearing the pallor again as if it was him that was wounded. Emil was so disoriented it was hard to tell what was happening, but the little mage seemed to be muttering his chants a lot lately.

One afternoon, with an unknown number of days spent in a sort of torpor, Emil’s fever broke. He woke up in his bunk covered in sweat, but he felt like himself once again. Lalli was of course there, but everybody else seemed to be out. When Lalli saw Emil’s clear eyes, there was no mistaking his feelings – he was overjoyed with relief. He gave Emil a careful little hug and sorted his hair very gently. 

But then his brows furrowed again, and he was looking pained. Lalli glanced around and then let loose a flood of chattering in Finnish. Emil couldn’t make out any of it in his still very tired state. The Finn seemed agitated, sometimes angry. Really the only thing Emil was certain was that Lalli was again calling himself “tyhmä, tyhmä, tyhmä” again. Suddenly there were tears in his eyes and he took Emil’s hand.  
(SWE) ”I sorry. Please please I sorry”. Lalli’s face was a plea, but Emil couldn’t understand what it was he was asking.  
“What is it?” Emil reached his hand to stroke Lalli’s ashen hair.“It’s ok, this is not your fault. You left us a mark, we just… it’s ok”.  
(SWE) “No! No ok! Is wrong! I wrong! I bad! Tyhmä tyhmä tyhmä!!” the furious scout run out. Emil was too tired to even call after him.

* * *

Emil knew he couldn’t go on like this anymore. He had to know. He loved Lalli with all his heart and he couldn’t bear the thought that he was somehow hurting the Finn, although he didn’t understand what it was. So, the next time he woke with only Lalli in the tank (and there he was, at the bedside, like always) he asked  
(FIN) “Please Lalli! What… why you… why I… what is it? Speak, please!”  
(SWE) “You… hurt I hurt. You make… you make me sick.” 

There it was again! Emil was hurt to his core although Lalli’s tone didn’t seem to go with the words. When tears welled to Emil’s eyes unbidden, Lalli startled. 

(SWE) “No, no, no, you good! I bad, you good! Sigrun hurt, I worry. Reynir hurt, I worry... small. You hurt, I sick with worry. You make me sick… think you die”. Now Lalli was crying too. Emil’s hurt dissolved into tenderness.  
“Don’t cry, I’m not dying. See, I’m all better. I won't die!” Lalli was still sobbing. Now it was Emil’s turn to hold him in his arms again.  
(FIN) “It’s ok… no cry… all ok” but Lalli was sobbing uncontrollably and clearly didn’t agree that all was ok. He launched into Finnish again. 

Emil couldn’t make out much, but there was at least you, me, us, cannot, wrong… and a strange word Lalli repeated a few times which Emil didn’t know.  
(FIN) “Lalli… what is ‘lapsi’? I no understand”  
(SWE) “Lapsi … small human, small me, small you.”  
“Oh, you mean child? Like we all were children, before?”  
“Child, yes”. Frankly, it didn’t help. Emil still couldn’t fathom Lalli’s meaning.  
(FIN) “Lalli, please, I no understand. Speak. Why you not like me?”

Lalli looked amazed.  
(SWE) “I no like you? No, no, no, I like you. I LIKE you big. I bad! tyhmä tyhmä!”  
“Hey, don’t worry. I like you too!”  
“Is wrong. Is boy and boy. Not have children!” Lalli looked right on the brink of bouncing away again, but Emil’s gentle grasp of his hand kept him at bay.  
Emil was again dizzy-headed by the thought what Lalli might, just might mean. Could it be… 

(FIN) “I no understand. I like you. Speak?”  
(SWE) ”I like you, I like you… too… many. Like boy and girl, but boy and boy. Boy and boy not have children. I bad, I wrong, I tyhmä tyhmä!” Lalli was trembling now. 

“Oh gods, Lalli, do you think it’s wrong to be gay? Could this be it? That you DO like me and are weirded out by it?” Emil took Lalli’s hand more firmly in his grasp and placed it on his heart.  
(FIN) “I like you. All is ok. Boy and boy… all ok”. Lalli was looking like a small scared animal now, but when Emil pulled him in, he did climb into his embrace. (FIN) “All ok, all ok. I like you like me.” Emil was soothing Lalli in his arms.

After Lalli calmed down a bit, Emil resumed the conversation, halting as it was.  
(FIN) “So, all ok, I like you like me. Why you… angry? Scared?”  
(SWE) “Boy and boy… is wrong? No make children!”  
“Would you ease on the children already! Why you keep on saying that? Why should boy and boy make children? Boy likes boy, it’s ok. It’s called being gay. GAY. Lalli, you are gay. And I am gay. All is ok!”  
(SWE) “Gay? I no heard gay at all!”  
“You didn’t know some people are gay?”  
(SWE) “No know gay. How I know? School say find good girl, have family, have children. Onni not say anything. I no father, no brother, no friend. School say find girl have many children. All I know.”  
“So… do you mean you would LIKE to have children with me?” Emil was choking on the enormity of this. Lalli DID like him after all!  
(SWE) “You and me yes, child don’t know. I like you. I like like you!”  
“I like like you too, Lalli. I like like you very much.”  
Finally, Emil leaned in for a small kiss. Lalli let him.

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo... I never thought I'd do this but here we are. Thank you for reading through it! Let me know what you think and please please give me ideas how to improve!
> 
> I noticed many of the EmiLalli stories had Lalli as the more confident one, and I wanted to explore whether it would work to have him totally at loss with his feelings. I figured it might be more likely for the Finnish state to try to coax their people, and especially the immune ones, in having families and preferably producing many new Finns. Furthermore Lalli doesn't really socialize and he lived in a different rhythm than most at the Keuruu base, so it might well be that Lalli in his circumstances could be oblivious even to the possibility.
> 
> EDITED: Illustration "You make me sick" by lovely Kyara:  
  
Find her Tumblr here: https://sinnena.tumblr.com/


End file.
